I've been very sad for years now that, when I was growing up and looking forward to an independent life, a husband and babies, I didn't make the time to really get into the lives of my grandparents, aunts and uncles or even cousins.
And now I'm hearing from others of their sadness and regret at not talking to their kith and kin about their life experiences, histories and stories, and perhaps wondering if this is what everybody does? There must be some individuals who realise, early on, that the more senior members of their family have a great deal more to offer than presents, outings, treats and loving companionship. These things are, of course, priceless and wonderful, but what about their thoughts on life and the history they've lived through and its impact on their lives.
What about their particular history and its impact on their own family and the way their shared family history has been relevant and of great interest to the generation down, and the following ones.
Two steps back and one step forward is how I think of life, for you must understand the how and what of before, before you can chart a way forward, for yourself and loved ones,.
Both my grandfather and father were of the opinion that the past was a different country and, what's more, it was past and therefore not of any interest, relevance or significance to anyone; so nobody talked much of what they'd gone through. And yes, of course, those two generations had gone through two world wars and had seen terrible things happen all around them. They didn't want to revisit those scenes which, most probably, were still revolving round and round in their heads, and how awful to burden other folk with the same images and carry on a collective memory into the future.
And then, of course, our grandparents and their generation, and the one below them, do tell stories of their younger days, some even too much, in a rambly sort of way, which almost becomes a terrific burden to all in hearing range.
What a problem for all, with its swing-imbalance of too much, too often, too boring, not now because I'm busy elsewhere to, please tell me more (I can't remember), who's this in your photograph album ( pictures not dated, unknown faces and unknown places, destinations, or reason for photograph altogether), to "hold on please, my pen can't keep up with your thoughts and words, slow down please, so that I can get everything down on paper!".
And then you've got to keep all your handwritten notes neat and tidy, and safe, until you are able to commit them for posterity, on your computer. Plus you absolutely must respect their dignity by not pressing them too distractedly when they tell you they really cannot remember a huge family happening, which they simply must remember; perhaps something awful happened, which they utterly do not want to recall, think about, and definitely not discuss with an ardent teenager or worrying, persistent 20-something.
Do get talking to your loved ones, or get the younger members of your clan to start talking to your siblings, cousins, and other senior family folk who all once lived, loved, worked and survived, and who now have a unique story to pass on to any patient and interested listener.
More communication, please, between the generations is what I'm talking about....so do please get talking and find out what really happened way back then, before you were born!
Must go to sleep now........Daisy xxx
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